if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
