Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
