She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
