how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
