Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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