you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
