You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
