you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
did i just pee glitter
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
