Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
