I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Shitshow foam night was such a success
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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