About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
