i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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