dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
