remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
