we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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