I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
