I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Semen is not good for contacts.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
