dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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