i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
