No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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