Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
