Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
