ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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