Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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