I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Randomize
