I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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