Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
home. puking in laundry basket.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
