Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
