Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
