Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
