Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
