you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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