I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
