guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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