Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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