My cat gives me a boner
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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