You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
he just fucked me for my cheese.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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