I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
