Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
It was confusing and full of hummus
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
