dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
My day in three words: secret purse cake
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
