I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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