dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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