it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
did i just pee glitter
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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