i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
