I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
