I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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