Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
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