i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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