girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
