I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
