i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
